Poly Misconceptions

There seem to be several themes that come up when I start getting questions about poly relationships. Here are my responses to just a few of them.

Misconception 1:
Poly people have commitment issues.

First off, bwahahahahaha!!!!! I'm sorry, but commitment issues are the last thing poly people have. We actually have OVER-commitment issues if we have any issues at all. Poly is about having MORE THAN ONE COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP. We are master committers! My relationships are equally important to me. I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world. I am fully and equally committed to both of my partners. This is not to say that all poly people do this, some do form a hierarchy as to the level of commitment to different partners, but the true definition of poly always contains that commitment.

Misconception 2:

People who are polyamorous are just in it for the sex.

Um... Hi. I am so not promiscuous. I am not a slut, whore, or a hoebag. I have a ton of respect for myself and my partners. I would NEVER do anything to put them in harms way, so why in the world would I want to sleep with anyone who asked? I can have sex whenever I want, it's so, so, so not about that at all. It's about connecting with someone else, sharing thoughts and feelings. Being allowed to be in love with more than one person at a time. I shouldn't have to fall out of love or give up someone just because I fell in love with another person. It's not, Oh, I realize that I love Joker, so I must not love Jack anymore. That's just asinine. I love them both. So, anyhow... Polyamory. It's about love, y'all! Not sex.

Misconception 3:

You must be so JEALOUS when he/she spends time with someone else.

Yeah... Nope. I'm happy when my partners are happy! Jealousy is an emotion that springs from an insecurity in oneself. I'm confident in myself and in my relationships with my partners. What do I have to be worried about? If our relationship ends, I know that it is because of something that came between us, not because they found someone else. The keys are honesty and open communication. That's it. Nothing magical. I know when there is trouble or issues that they will be talked over and dealt with. So, is there jealousy? Sometimes. But for the most part, I experience the opposite; compersion.

~Lady Lily

What is, and isn't, Polyamory

Let me preface this by saying this is just my humble opinion and may, or may not, be the widely accepted or socially correct definition of polyamory.

What is polyamory?

It is consensual non-monogamy. It's the allowance of any person to have more than one committed, loving relationship. It may, or may not, incorporate sexual behaviors. It can occur in a myriad of arrangements, but the one theme that always follows successful poly relationships is the fact that it is built on honesty and communication.

What isn't polyamory?

Swinging. There's no commitment, no love, involved here. This is not poly. This is permissive promiscuity.

Polygamy/Polyandry/Polygyny. These are just not fair. Why should only one gender be allowed to have multiple relationships? These are selfish and archaic at the least.

Cheating. It's not poly if all parties are not fully aware of the situation. Cheating is wrong, plain and simple. Cheating hurts people.

Serial Dating. Dating someone until something “better” comes along, keeping both around but not giving much thought or attention to the older relationship until something else comes up and then finally deciding to keep only the newer ones. Not poly. This is deplorable. Joker will have more on this subject later.

~Lady Lily